I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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