just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
