the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
