That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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