this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
