never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
