More tranny stories later!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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