I could make wine with my vomit
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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