I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
