no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
