the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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