what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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