i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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