I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
