Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
