you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
