God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
