One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
