they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
