dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
