____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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