I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
