apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
