It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
