Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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