im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
