the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
