There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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