Can i not drive my cunt home
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
