I don't usually arrange sex via text message
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
