All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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