Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
