We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
