I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i have two assholes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
