The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
