Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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