You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
