Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
