I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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