trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
