sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
