i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
