he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
