When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
