thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
