wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
