Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
