"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
