The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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