And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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