Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
