remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
