I need to stop coming to work sober
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
