I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
