you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
