Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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