Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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